Dear God

 

I gave up on you a while back and as I don't hear from you, I suspect you’ve given up on me too.  I need to get this off my chest.

 

You may or may not remember the exact moment. It was the remembrance day service six years ago.  Your completely inadequate priest was giving a totally unintelligible sermon , full of inconsequential rhetoric about nothing at all (where do you get these people from?).  

 

At the same time a bored child was kicking the back of my pew, unimpeded by any kind of parental control.  I had two options, stand up and take over (it was tempting), or leave.  I left. And haven't looked back.

 

My time with you  was already running thin anyway..  My sister died that year from a vicious cancer apparently nobody could do anything about.  Yes, I know the received wisdom is that you were in the  love that surrounded her, not the disease.   But that just lets you off the divine hook of being almighty etc etc.

 

Even before that, prayers had become a bit of a mystery to me.  They come in a number of forms and I grew up and practised all of them at one time or another.  There’s:

 

The..’Aren’t you the best and  most wonderful and aren't we lucky to have you…’.

 

Then again  .. ‘the thank you for everything from the morning sunrise to my toothbrush’ variety

 

Then the….’can I have…?  Please do something about…Kindly get me out of this ‘ thingy.

 

It makes me think you might be an egotistical Father Christmas…..

 

You are certainly bi-polar.  In the Old Testament you did a hell of a lot of smiting, usually through misogyny or revenge.  In contrast and in the New Testament, your son preached love  in your name, so he was killed.  Not a comfortable look, is it?

Give it some thought.  

 

Yours (if you think about it).

 

Gaynor Kavanagh

 

 

© Gaynor Kavanagh