As your patron saint of travellers, I've frequently witnessed the frankly daft adornments and tat that you car drivers deploy to ward off accidents and mishaps.

Of course, in this, I must include the devotional statues of myself you adhere to your dashboards.   I'm delighted that you have honoured me in this way, but if you are so keen to have me guard you from all harm, why on earth would you have me facing backwards?  All I can see is where you’ve been, not where you are going.  What help is that?

When I carried the Christ Child across the river, did I do this backwards?  No.  I lifted the little kid on my shoulders and sallied forth.  Not that I would fancy doing it these days.  Don't get me wrong, I would have carried him through hell’s fires if asked, but both He and I would have hesitated when it came to crossing the River Wye.  Have you seen the state of that river?

In recent years, you lot seem to have gone-off me as a car charm.  I notice how much you have turned to other things.

There’s the furry dice.  Not quite sure on that one. Do you throw them before each journey?  Is it something to do with calculating the odds on whether you are going to have a crash or not?   I've no idea.

Then there’s the nodding dog.  I'm wondering whether you just need someone or something to assert that your driving is fine and you are going in the right direction.  No question.  You are right every time.  Nod. Nod. Nod.

The one that really worries me is the name visor.  If you drive along with the windscreen label of (say) Sharon and Dwaine, is this so the emergency services will know your names when they pull you out of a ditch?

Have a little faith guys, or give up driving.

© Gaynor Kavanagh